Blessings

Just finished unwrapping my presents - it's rather sad that the older I get, the less presents I have (greedy, I know - but I have a right to retain my immaturity, right?) - although the presents DO get better.

Thanks for the wallet, hun - it's beautiful! =D

A belated Merry Christmas to everyone - hoping that you're having a wonderful time with family and friends, and having a very restful holiday!

Remembrance

It's been a little more than a year, and I didn't realize until today. It was strange, really, suddenly feeling as if he was present in my room halfway through studying for organic chemistry - and knowing that I was crazy for making up these delusions.

I remember when Mel told me the news - I thought it was some kind of sick joke. Not until I saw the newspaper articles, the facebook memorial groups, and the hundreds of posts from the people he left behind saying how much they miss him and admire him that it finally got to me. That I'll never get to talk to him again, that I would never see him or hear him laugh, and that I would never playfully smack him for saying something dumb or smear whipped cream all over his arm again.

It makes me scared. And we weren't even that close, compared to all of his friends that he saw everyday, his family, or his girlfriend. We worked together for a little more than half a year, and hung out once during the summer, but I looked up to him as a brother figure. Lame, I know.

But I've resolved that it doesn't matter if other people think I'm over-sentimental, sobby, and even over-dramatic - I want to hold proof that his life was worth it. That he enriched the lives of the people around him - with his hot pink swimming trunks, wisdom, and funny/inappropriate stories. And because I'm afraid that my memories of him will someday fade away, I hold on to them as tightly as I can. They deserve a place in my over-dramatic, sentimental heart.

And I'll remember - for anyone who doesn't.

Excitation

Joyce loves Flickr. And Photoshop. And Christmas. And Christmas-y themed things. And her dumb looking Pui-warned-her-repeatedly-about-not-buying-something-so-lame Christmas-y headband.

All is not well, though. Tax makes me want to cry.

If Only

I could absorb knowledge by osmosis. You know, soak a couple of pages of notes in water, sit there, and not have to study xD.

Oh wishful thinking - studying's making me kind of delusional.

It's all snowy and pretty out! It's not like I'm going to go outside, though - I'm just going sit and enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate. Yum.

Cold Hands

I don't know why, but I'm really cold.

And it's a losing battle against tax - I'm already behind! I'm not giving this up, though.

By the way: Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin is an amazing song. AND I bought two dress shirts yesterday!

Frustration

American politics make me angry.

It's good, at least I'm venting my anger on anything but breaking my damn laptop.

What the fuck? Women are more emotional and can't make good decisions?

Well. Fuck you. Fuck you and your idiocy. Would I be a better presidential candidate, then if I declared war on your or punched you in the face?

Would I be more of a man if I decided to gun you down if I get angry at you, instead of walking away?

Honestly, I can tell you that I have no idea whether Hillary Clinton would make a good presidential candidate or not. But the fact remains that you're a sexist idiot if you're against her simply because "she's a bitch" or because "women can' make good presidents". What, so discriminating against blacks is wrong, but it's okay to antagonize women with ambition?

Again, it's the SAME CONCLUSION: PEOPLE. ARE. STUPID.

I rest my case.

And this is the reason why I don't want to get married, or if I do I won't want children. I'd like to prove a point that I can be above social norms to reproduce, and that I value my career and education above all else.

What, think that I'm selfish? Well, let's see. WHY can some men do the same things - go to work for 70 hours a week, never see their families, and not be criticized? Let me remind you that fathers share an exact HALF of the genome of their children. So just because women keep the children in their uteruses for 9 months, does it mean that they're supposed to be the main player in caring for their children for the rest of the lives? I understand that some women want to do this, and I'm all for choice. But what about the women who don't, like me? The responsibility should be shared equally.

Has feminism never existed at all? What's going on in this world?

Mantra

I will survive this.

Whole. Complete. With Sanity to Spare.

For sure.

Fun Stuff

I think I'm camping out in the library tonight.

YAY!

On the other hand, school's nearly done. I'm half scared out of my wits, and half excited.

My internet purchases this month:
Very comfy fleece lined AE Sweater: $32
AE navy and green polka dotted camisole: $8
2 Threadless tees (a key for everything & emotional trip): $30
La Senza stuff: $10
Getting yelled at by my dear mother for spending so much: priceless.

In conclusion: I love sales. My mother doesn't, if it means me spending muchos amounts of money.

Reminiscence

Would I, could I go back to elementary school. There were so many friendships that could have been had I stayed in touch; things I wish I hadn't ever done, or had done.

I was such an idiot in grade school. Okay, it's not like much has changed, but I was a bigger idiot back then. And more arrogant, too - I was one of those loud annoying little kids that I now want to squish.

But all this nostalgia aside, and bringing myself back to right now and this moment, it's true what they say - you are the average of your six best friends. Well, I'm just damn glad that my close friends are all amazing people - caring, loving, smart, funny, brilliant - and so much of my happiness stems from them.

Runaway

I want to escape. Run far, far away from here, from everything that matters.

From marks, from classes, from exams and labs; from organizing events and attending meetings.

I just want some time for myself. I know it's my fault - I'm so stressed already (and a little sick), and yet I still can't focus on the work that I'm supposed to do.

But I'm just so tired. I don't want to have to work anymore. That's just me being immature and whiny, though - I know that tough, life goes on, and I just have to grind on just like everyone else. Run the rat race, hop on the hamster wheel, get nowhere, and die.

I'm feeling so optimistic right now. Can't you tell?

Honestly Now

Do you know what makes me really angry? The fact that caring about global warming is now the thing to do simply because celebs and people like Al Gore SUDDENLY CARE that there's fucking carbon dioxide in our atmosphere that will cause global temperatures to rise, coastal regions to disappear, and thousands of species to be extinct.

WHY?

I have no idea - wait - no, I do. It's because PEOPLE ARE STUPID. Sure, no one used to care or think about it because there weren't any Live Earth concerts or documentaries - and now they do. By the by, has anyone even thought of how freaking hypocritical those concerts were? How much electricity they wasted, how much pollution the transportation caused? Of course not. Global warming was already a dire issue ten years ago. I know; I made a speech about it when I was in Grade 5.

It's the same thing with the AIDS pandemic. Everyone turned a blind eye, and all of a sudden GAP is caring, and Apple is caring. Now it's cool, hip, and the trendiest thing to do to tote around those red shirts and ipods. It's just another corporate ploy for publicity! Honestly. GROW A BRAIN.

Oh, and Al Gore winning a Nobel peace prize? Don't even get me started about it, but might I remind you that previous Nobel peace prize winners were Mother Theresa, the MSF, and Martin Luther King Jr.?

Mother Theresa. Al Gore. My God, just the thought of it makes me want to gouge my eyes out in frustration.

And politicians don't bring peace, they bring war.

Thoughts to Ponder

Who decided that Asia would be on the "East", and that the Americas along with Europe would be the "West"?

The world is round, after all. So who was the one who decided to lay the continents the way they are now on a map?

On the other hand, interview results come out tomorrow. *frets* Along with the midterm for Intermediate Financial Accounting. Oh so much fun.

The Book Geek

I bought a couple of books from Chapters and Costco today. Nothing makes me happy like buying new books! Well, that's kind of an exaggeration, but it was pretty funny when my brother looked at me as if I had mental problems (which I do, you know) and declared me the biggest nerd he's ever known.

Is it sad that I'm proud?

We're having sushi tonight! I'm excited. It's funny because the only turkey we're having this weekend is in the form of cold cuts.

I stocked up on so much food to bring back to Waterloo. Excellent.

Guilty as Charged

I know. It's terrible, but sometimes I dread going home simply because my brother starts acting like an ass, and then a shouting match ensues, and it's just not all that great for the whole happy family in harmony thing. Nor for the remaining shards of my sanity, either.

It's just so frustrating sometimes, but I guess I'm keeping optimistic that in a couple of years he'll stop having his random jerk moments. I love my brother, I really do - which makes me even more upset.

Disney Wisdom 101

"More to see
Than can ever be seen
More to do
Than can ever be done"

It's true, though. I constantly wish that I could have more time, but I just need to manage my time better. If only I had 48 hours in a day.

Shopaholic Withdrawal

I'm already making a list of the things I want to buy myself for Christmas. That's how much I miss shopping.

Waterloo weather is back! It's damp, mucky, and cold. Excellent. I was getting kind of scared that the entire city suddenly went into some freakish climate change when we had a week of extremely good weather.

That just goes to say - good things never last! Well - nothing lasts, really. But the point is to treasure every moment of your life.

Sadly, even though I say this, the test of "if I die tomorrow, would I be satisfied?" constantly fails on me.

I'm going to try harder.

Edit: despite the fact that our suite is dinky and small, I love living with Juli, Meghan, and Yvvy. It's so much fun ^^.

Rubber Band

Trust me to leave things until the last minute.

Is it kind of sad that a little part of me is actually enjoying the thrill of stress and tension - fully aware of the seconds ticking away? I swear I'm going crazy.

Life and Love

"Even in the word 'impossible', lie the words 'I'm possible'."

Wow. I've been moved to tears, although it's pretty much a usual occurrence.

Edit: It's strange. How can a girl who absolutely adores romantic fiction/fanfics (well-written ones, please - the other ones make my eyes bleed) be such a cynic when it comes to relationships in real life? Or maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse for myself. I really should stop this self-psychoanalysis; it isn't really healthy for anyone.

Back to Basic

Yeah, I got sick of the complicated pretty designs, so I reverted back to a simpler layout. I'm still not completely satisfied with it yet, but I'm getting impatient and lazy - so I'll just leave the layout be for now.

I Made a Promise to myself - and I hope that I can keep it.